Hello there, fellow mental health warriors! I hope this finds everyone getting through their own day well. I've decided to write a short blog about how I find having something that most people may not really think about, and that’s relationships.
It is sometimes difficult for me to maintain both romantic and platonic relationships. The friends I have now are mostly the ones who have seen my worst days and decided to stick around (thanks). My romantic relations sometimes do not end as well (lol!).
My bipolar disorder (I also suffer from depression and anxiety) manifests itself in, among other ways, a very black-and-white outlook. My depression also means I isolate myself when I'm feeling the curse of 'the black dog' as some call it. During my very anxious times, I am loud and impulsive. These things combined make it hard sometimes to be my friend (so to my friends once again, thanks).
In both platonic and romantic relationships, I sway from being needy in the sense that something bad has happened to the other half if they take 'too long' to text back or wanting to be with them all the time, to also potentially being very withdrawn emotionally and not wanting to text the other half back or wanting to have more alone time.
During anxious phases, I want to go out more often. I'm also prone to putting my foot in my mouth in sometimes epic proportions and I get bored very easily i.e. I can't or find it very difficult to sit through a film or read a book, though that isn’t all that bad as I try to use that to my advantage and get more practical stuff done which I’ve been putting off for a while.
Working relationships can be more difficult for me as I am instantly more closed off with new people. Distinguishing colleagues from friends or acquaintances is still difficult and confusing for me when I start a new job, or if I am in an unusual/unfamiliar situation.
All of this can lead to a person having a smaller circle of true friends, like me. There is nothing wrong with this. Friends are a 'quality over quantity' kind of thing for me.