I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said each of these phrases or just changed the subject when someone has asked how I am because, in reality, I was really struggling but didn’t know how to talk about it. There were so many reasons why I didn’t want to tell people how I was really feeling. I didn’t want to drag anyone down or seem like I was being whiny. Also, in particularly dark periods, I didn’t want to scare anyone or have people worry about me. This was flawed though, because when everything got too much, I didn’t feel like I could open up about it. I would just shut myself away and ignore everyone which made the people who care about me more scared and worried than if I’d have just been honest about how I was feeling. As well as this, I would also experience an overwhelming sense of guilt about shutting people out, and this would make me feel like a terrible person, which (unsurprisingly) would make me feel worse.
A few years ago I made a decision to start being more open about my mental health and as part of that, I’ve decided to start being honest with the people around me about how I was actually feeling. Having those conversations has really felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and transformed how I cope with depression and anxiety. It has also enabled my friends and family to start being more open with me about how they’re feeling, and now talking about mental health has gone from a topic that was never mentioned to something that is a completely normal part of our day-to-day conversations.
It's not the easiest thing to do and I still catch myself saying ‘not too bad thanks’ or avoiding a message when I’m not doing too well, but I try and make a conscious effort to be honest with those around me. I can tell people as much or as little about what I’m feeling as I feel comfortable with, but I’ve found even just simply saying ‘I’m struggling a bit at the moment’ can provide some relief.
I’ve finally realised that people do want to know how I am because they care about me. Equally, opening up has made me more aware of when other people tell me they’re ‘not too bad’ and so I’ve tried to be more specific with my questions if someone has been a bit quiet lately or if I know they’re going through a difficult time.
Even though it can’t prevent the dark thoughts from happening, being able to have open and honest conversations about how I’m feeling makes me feel supported in those moments and makes things feel a little brighter and less lonely – so I would really encourage everyone to start being more open about their mental health as it can do wonders for your own mental wellbeing.
