Suffering from and being diagnosed with a mental health problem can be a very lonely experience because mental illness is so individualistic, even someone with the same disorder can experience it in a very different way. Unlike physical illness, mental illness can be influenced by your background, your circumstances, the people you have around you and your personality, all of which can vary greatly with each individual, leading to a very specific experience of any type of mental illness or disorder.
I have ‘quiet’ Borderline Personality Disorder, which has nine qualifying criteria, five of which gets you a diagnosis. But if you think of it, two people could have four completely different symptoms, with only one in common if that is the case. Even sharing a conversation with a fellow sufferer might not be helpful if the both of you have a very different experience of a disorder. Hence why I said it can be a very lonely experience.
Personally, even though I am reasonably articulate, I have found it really difficult to explain to family and friends what exactly I am experiencing. I know that they have no real idea of how much I suffer at times; and me being me, I don’t really want them to know. The hardest thing of all though was being betrayed by someone I trusted to talk to about my mental health problems. It’s hard enough to deal with my mental health condition anyway and being able to talk about it was a huge relief, but when the person you’ve confided in betrays your trust and rejects you because of your illness, that is the most devastating thing of all. You feel as though you dare never speak to anyone again and that is the loneliest feeling on earth.
Fortunately, there are some fantastic therapists out there, and I was very fortunate to find one. Someone who I finally could trust, and who did not judge me, nor make me feel guilty for things that I had done because of my disorder. It is incredibly important to keep talking about our mental health, because only by making it normal for people to experience these things, just as normal as it is to suffer diabetes or arthritis for example, will people start to feel less lonely.