**Trigger warning: contains references to suicide**
For World Suicide Prevention Day on the 10th of September 2020, we hear from the Time to Change Wales staff who speak up about why it's so important to end the stigma around suicide so that people can speak out about the help they need. June reflects on a suicide in the family and the importance of allowing people to talk about their mental health and taking them seriously when it comes to discussions of suicide.
How to respond when someone you know makes repeated comments to take their own life, but is repeatedly dismissed by family members as an attention seeker, and then ends up taking their own life. You respond with a feeling of devastation, a feeling of why didn’t those close to the person pay more attention to their cries for help, treated them more seriously with understanding and sympathy. Why were they so easily dismissed when they made repeated threats? Well, looking back they were considered a difficult person, prone to a nasty temper, making life unbearable for close family members, the suicide threats were just another example of emotional blackmail, part of the never-ending torment of making everyone’s life unhappy, day in and day out.
Any yet, after many years, since that person took their life, we all still think, what could any of us have done differently, to save that person’s life. It’s said that every person who dies by suicide a further six people will be directly affected. Approximately 135 people suffer intense grief or are otherwise affected by a person who dies by suicide. I am part of that wider circle who stops to think what could any of us have done differently to save that person’s life.
One of the people affected at the time, their ex-partner, went into a deep state of shock unable to speak for several days. They re-played endlessly the threats they’d been subjected to, the guilt they felt for not taking the person’s threats seriously. And the rest of us, how could we have better supported those individuals, in the same way we would have done with a physical illness – offer emotional support, some practical advice and tips, suggestions on where they could turn for help, just listening as a way of offering support.
"Opening up to seek help takes courage, in the same way we all need to be brave and ask the person directly how they are feeling."
What would I now do differently, working in the mental health sector, and feeling more knowledgeable. Mental health is a broad topic and I would never attempt to claim I know everything about mental health problems. Nevertheless, it would be easier to speak more forthrightly and talk about mental illness, how they need help in the same way they would with a physical illness. Samaritans Cymru have advice on how to talk to someone with suicidal thoughts. Evidence shows that by asking someone directly if they’re feeling suicidal, this can potentially protect the person. This is why it’s so important to remove stigma around suicide, empowering someone to speak openly about how they are feeling without the worry they will be made to feel ashamed of their feelings or dismissed. The Talk To Me Too website offers advice on if you’re worried about someone but feeling unsure of how to approach them. Having suicidal thoughts can make the person feel lonely, that they can’t talk about their negative feelings. Opening up to seek help takes courage, in the same way we all need to be brave and ask the person directly how they are feeling. If you’re struggling on how to talk about about mental health, the Time to Change Wales has resources on how to have a conversation on mental health. Just asking, could make all the difference to one person’s life.