When I saw this invitation to write about men's mental health and self-care, I immediately thought of the Facebook group ‘Let’s Talk Men’s Mental Health’. I joined them in January 2021 just as I was about to start my first online Zoom counselling with Breathe (https://breathe-uk.com/).
LTMMH is far more than another Facebook group. It is a pressure, judgement and stigma free zone where you can share, help and be helped by other men who all have “been there” in some way. All are untrained, amateur, unusual, different, honest and caring. Many have or have had serious illnesses both mental and physical. Some are more responsive than others but there is always someone who will respond. The advice they give is direct and unfiltered but always honest. No problem, issue or viewpoint is bigger or smaller than any other problem, issue or viewpoint. Often simple signposts to things that helped or worked for one person either themselves or a friend. Sometimes posts are long, heart breaking and come with trigger warnings.
Mostly the discussion is unstructured and simply responsive but the excellent team behind the group do post a ‘Topic Tuesday’ conversation starter for discussion which sometimes provokes a long and involved conversation. #TopicTuesday – Alcohol and Drugs for example looked to discuss its impact on mental health especially as the festive season approaches. As I have said in other places, they are good men, doing good work and they have been kind enough to say, “It’s all of us butt, you included!”. I feel honoured to be part of this group and I have nothing but gratitude and admiration for the team that set it up.
The 2-hour weekly Zoom session on a Sunday evening are a fantastic, wide ranging, provocative and amusing event. The topics are serious (suicide, bullying, stigma) and frivolous (Pele, incomprehensible Brummie accents, action men dolls). The conversation moves around the world. From the local roots in the Rhondda, down the valley to Ponty, Cardiff, across Wales, via Cornwall, London (Irish), into Europe for a polite beer festival in Munich, a gym in Tenerife, rugby and soccer (other sports are available basketball, snowboarding, even sailing too), and to far off places like Japan, Fiji, and New Zealand. You have to be there for life affirming tales of hardship, good fortune and death in very unequal measures. There is no pressure to speak (or shut up), and some group members lurk at first with their cameras and microphones off.
Some highlights that made me think, smile, and/or understand just a little more about life from previous Zoom calls in no particular order are:
- Covid has had a devastating effect on many lives.
- Judging people by what they wear is stupid but challenging those who do can be fun.
- I miss the pub.
- We are all different shades of brown. The most unexpected people can be racist too.
- AA is only one kind of support, and it does not work for all.
- HALTB - hungry, angry, lonely, tired and bored is a handy acronym.
- Suicide is not a rational thought but for some people, it feels like one.
Of course, you had to be there, I’m glad I was.