On Time to Talk Day 2022, Bethan writes about how hard it can be to talk about mental health but offers some words of encouragement to start communicating. However you do it, have a conversation about mental health. Read her story.
We talk every day, to family, friends, colleagues, people we pass in the street, the employees in our local shops. So, how come when we need to talk, about us, about how we’re feeling it becomes the hardest thing to do. We get told to talk, but what should we say? Who should we talk to? How do we communicate how I’m feeling when I can’t even understand it myself?
I know for me; it was hard because I didn’t want to become a burden to anyone. I didn’t want to be that person that seemed negative or somehow bring the ‘mood’ down. I didn’t want to push how I was feeling onto anyone else and I really didn’t want anyone to feel pressure to “fix” me. I know now that nobody would have felt that way but when you’re battling with your own thoughts it’s not always easy to see clearly.
I went on pretending that I was okay for a long time, too long. I kept my thoughts and feelings hidden and put on a fake smile every day. I did this until I physically couldn’t do it anymore. Until I couldn’t even get out of bed in the mornings. That’s a place I never want to go back to.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Looking back now, with the eyes of a new version of me I can see how detrimental my own thoughts and actions were to my mental health at the time. It was hard and I know that talking about it wouldn’t have been a miracle cure, but I know it would have helped. Had I opened up sooner, I may never have reached that dark place. That being said, there is no good dwelling on the past. What I know now is irrelevant to how I was feeling then. It takes time to get to a place where you can look back with a different perspective and time is okay, but don’t be alone in that.
You don’t have to talk about everything at once. You don’t need to tell everyone in your life about how you’re feeling. All it takes is one person and sometimes, not even a person. Sometimes, it’s a place. A place or a hobby where you feel safe and where you can communicate how you’re feeling. Communication doesn’t always have to be talking. Writing, for example is something that has always helped me. It feels as though I am talking but without having to have the awkward and uncomfortable conversation with people. Don’t get me wrong, I now feel very happy with telling people if I am having a bad day, but it hasn’t always been that easy. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone and I think it’s important to find your preferred communication style and try to use that as a way of letting people know if you are struggling. The hardest part of mental-ill health is the loneliness it can bring. But the reality is, we aren’t alone. You are not a burden and how you feel matters. It matters to everyone in your life.
For those that don’t struggle with mental-ill health, take a moment to consider the people in your life. Take a moment out of your day to ask them how they’re doing and really listen to their answer. We are all guilty of having busy lives and not making effort to speak to family and friends, but it only takes a moment. We should all dedicate a small amount of time each day to talk, to listen, to communicate and really communicate. In this world of social media and technology, it’s easy for this to get lost. One small conversation may seem insignificant or even inconvenient, but it can mean everything to someone who is having a difficult time. We can all be that reason that someone has a slightly easier day.
Starting conversations about mental health can come from people who are struggling but also people who aren’t. Make your community a place where people can open up without feeling shame, without feeling stigma. Make your community a place where you would feel comfortable if you had mental-ill health. Make your community a great place, not just on time to talk day, but every day.
It’s been great chatting,
Beth.
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Twitter: @BethEmmaEM